Why Hip Mommies of DC was started, and all the drama from DCMM (DC METRO MOMS)

What the hell is up with me? In the space of a day, I've pissed off more people than George Bush. Yesterday I get this email from the person I guess is the owner of DCMM and it's to all the moderators of all her yahoo groups (of which I'm The Rockville Chapter DCMM Moderator). (It's like she's got some sorta little mommy-dom thing going on)...

----- Original Message ---- From: Toni Hansen <hungrybug@gmail.com> To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com Cc: Jennifer Zaranis <jennifer.zaranis@verizon.net> Sent: Monday, February 5, 2007 5:52:19 PM
Subject: [DCMMTeam] Email Settings Requirements for Team Site Attention

All Chapter Chairs and Subgroup Moderators,We seem to be having quite a few members not setting their email settings for this group to individual emails recently.***It is very important that all members are aware of all DCMM happenings and up to speed on a regular basis.*** We would like to put the following guidelines in place regarding email settings. 1) The first request you will receive a warning via email.2) The second request will receive a final warning via email.3) The third request your chair privileges will be revoked or if you are a subgroup moderator the subgroup will no longer be affiliated with DCMM.

Any questions regarding this please contact myself and Jennifer directly. ToniDCMM Owner/Moderator
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So, I wrote the following:

Tony, I'm sorry, I can't stand it anymore. There are just way too many rules & consequences. I'm so much a go with the flow kinda girl & not real organized. I hate feeling like I'm about to be "reprimanded" and cracked across my knuckles with a ruler! Or worse yet.. banished into cyber space!

If this is going to actually be the rule that is enforced, then Please go ahead and remove me now as moderator.

I need to read my group email in digest version, or on the web. I have serious ADD and when my inbox gets swamped all day long, it just stresses me out. I am one of those people whose brain just works completely the opposite way to how it should, and to make it try and do something else is too much effort. For some reason 10 digest versions with 10 emails in them a piece, doesn't stress me out as much as seeing 100 individual emails!

I hope that you'll allow me to stay a member of DCMM, because I think it's a great resource, and I appreciate all the work that you and the other volunteers put forth. God just staying on top of the summaries you want every month is a lot! It shows that it's a labour of love for all of you - especially the volunteers.

I've also met some really terrific mums & would not have had that opportunity, had it not been for DCMM. I love event planning & putting together fun activities for people to do with me, and my kids, and if it's ok, I'd like to still be able to do that with my local chapters. If not, I guess I'll be looking for another group to join!

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She responded with:

Team Members, The email setting for this group has been like this for years. This is not something new at all.It is clearly stated on the home page and in the guidelines that you must set your email to individual emails and so far Julie you have met that requirement,so I am not really sure why you are questioning it. I have contacted several members who have recently joined to remind them of the guideline and have reset their setting to go back a day or two later and see that it has been set back to no mail or daily etc.

I typically only send messages sometimes several to remind members to set their settings to individual emails and they have no problems with it after at least one (either they didn't know etc.). Just recently several members have fallen into a rut where this doesn't work them and they don't even discuss it with myself and Jennifer after I have sent them a reminder notice,so in the best interest of the group,we set up the guidelines. The monthly summary has been done for the chapters for several years as well. I am sorry if this too overwhelming for some of you,but this is the only way myself and Jennifer can keep up with what is going on in the groups and to help each other when our chapter or subgroup may not be active and seek advice from others. You can also gain suggestions for events etc to try in your chapter that worked well in another etc. It typically takes 10 minutes to fill out if even that.(if you are unsure how to find the information,I would be happy to walk you through it). I personally have to fill out four of them and a week is plenty of time to fill out one or two per chapter/per person and everyone knows it comes at the first of every month.

I know we all volunteer for this including myself and Jennifer and I appreciate all your efforts in helping DCMM be a great asset to moms in the local area and on the main list. If anyone feels that these tasks do not fit into their chapter chair or moderator role,please contact me directly and we can discuss further.

Julie-If you wish to step down that is up to you,but we appreciate the time you helped with the Rockville Chapter.
Please contact Rubina if you would like to step down and she can post for a new co-chair if necessary.
ToniDCMM Owner/Moderator

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Then I wrote:
In a message dated 2/6/2007 12:01:16 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
Julie writes:

Toni, I realised that my mail setting had been changed a week or so ago, back to individual mail, and I was just going to go change it back... because this week in particular there's been a ton of messages welcoming new members, and banning people, and I'm just totally overwhelmed by the amount of seemingly unnecessary mail that I get - and it's not just from this group!! Most of these emails back and forth don't seem like "team" emails, or are totally necessary for me to read.

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Finally someone else stood up and spoke up saying:

Re: [DCMMTeam] Email Settings Requirements for Team Site
FROM: AutografWD@...

I was planning to bring this up myself. I think this brings up an issue that probably needs to be talked about a little more before we dismiss a moderator for it. I don't blame you, Julie, for feeling overwhelmed with the amount of e-mail this month. I love e-mail and don't have much of a problem getting through it normally. But I have found the amount this month, with the addition of the club chairs, to be punishing. I am not reading any of them now because there is just too much. And therefore I am wondering what purpose it is servicing me to receive them?

In fact, what is the total purpose of doing them if others are not reading mine either? (And out of curiosity, what is the info used for?) I also reject the idea that you should leave your post just because you are feeling overwhelmed by the e-mail responsibility. As a moderator too, it is SUPER hard to find a good person to run a group. And if you are more social versus doing detailed reporting, then I think that is AWESOME for your chapter.

Most chapter members don't even know that there are main list reporting and could care less. They joined because they want to meet people and have fun. And if you are filling that need for them, then I think you are doing your job. In my mind, all this main list reporting is secondary to running the chapter. And does it in fact serve the chapter members in anyway?

The fact that this is the way that reporting has been done for years, doesn't mean that we can't change some things. After all, the seems to be no issue making more rules on any given subject/day. Why can't we subtract some? I believe we should rethink the reporting and maybe all the moderators should have a voice in how this is done since we are on the front line between the main list and representing our chapter.

I would like "reporting" to turn into more of an exchange of ideas and an outlet for support for the chapter. So I would like to hear if I am off base with this. Are other people feeling the same?

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Then someone else:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Mandy wrote:

I have a question.. is this requirement up for discussion within the group? can we take a vote? I second Julies comments that many of these emails are not necessary to be read as they come thru.. if you do daily digest, they can be read daily as I am sure most of us are not watching our inbox for new messages the minute they arrive. I do have this setting becasue I was told to do so (actually I think someone changed it for me). But I still end up moving them to another folder and reading when I have time.

Anyway.. I guess back to my original question.. is this something that the group can vote on or is this a things that is not up for discussion? Mandy

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Then yet another person:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
"Frances M. Hartnett Angara" wrote:

Please identify yourself so that we can contact you offline. For public discussion, I can swallow the new requirements if only I could set my e-mail to daily digest. Then I could skim through one daily e- mail instead of being confronted with several, most or all of which have no relevance for me as moderator of the knitting subgroup. Unfortunately I often can't judge whether they are relevant until I click them open. Gettin daily digest is like finding one newsletter in your mailbox as opposed to nine postcards. Frances Hartnett Angara Oak Hill, VA

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Then Mandy again:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
Mandy wrote:
I agree.. I just delete othes posts when I see reporting info and all the banned stuff gets very overwhelming.. so again I just delete if I get too many or cannot go thru them all.. So I guess this get the same question I just sent out about the email settling. Can we vote on this? Can we make changes.. Many times we need rules and things set in stone in the beginning, but once things get up and running, they should be re-evaluated and possibly relaxed. Mandy

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Finally Toni from DCMM writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Toni Hansen" wrote:

Yes,we can discuss the email setting and the summary,but I would like to discuss them separately,so things are not missed. I would be happy to change it to daily if needed,but special notices or no email,I have no idea if the member is even reading it. Most of the messages that come through here are the summaries or if there is a member issue.

You are all more than welcome to ask for advice on how to get your chapters or subgroups active if needed. That is what the forum is for. Does anyone have an issue with having the setting to at least daily,but you are welcome to set it to individual if you wish?

I am sorry to be honest DCMM has really been great group to moderate and in the past six months I have had more drama with DCMM then I have ever had in the last 3 years since becoming a member/moderator. This job is not easy! There have been several times in that six months where I have wanted to step down due to the stress on me and my family,but I think this a great resource for moms,so I just keep going at it. Anyway,thanks for listening.
Toni DCMM Owner/Moderator

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Rubina from the Frederick County DCMM Chapter then writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
Mama2Peep@... wrote:
Getting e-mail: I don't mind individual or daily digest. I'd read them all any way. I think daily digest will serve the same purpose. Summaries: I personally like the summaries. I read (or at least skim) most of them. Sometimes, other members have ideas in their summaries that I "steal". Just my 2 cents worth. -Rubina Frederick County moderator & Maryland State -moderator for DC METRO MOMS (DCMM)

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Mandy then writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Mandy wrote: Toni.. I am sorry I did not see this as drama.. but rather just a question. Anyway I would be very happy with setting to Daily Digest. Mandy

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Rosa writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "rosamoy" wrote: I would appreciate if it was daily digest at least- I usually only read on the web - it cuts down on volume. Thanks Toni for all your efforts it must take alot to coordinate all this. Not sure how you have the time! Rosa --- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Toni Hansen" wrote: > > Yes,we can discuss the email setting and the summary,but I would like to > discuss them separately,so things are not missed.

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--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Toni Hansen" wrote: Team Members, Is there something on the summary specifically you don't like or having to fill out the summary itself? They are posted on the team site specifically to share ideas with other chapters/subgroups and to create discussion among team members. Toni DCMM Owner/Moderator --- End forwarded message ---

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Angela from the Howard County Chapter of DCMM writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
Angela Render wrote:
I guess this can count as my "required" participation this month. I do the individual emails out of habit, but I find that I get 10 times the number on the team site that I do on Howard County. Because of that, I tend to skim the subject line and then delete the messages unread if I feel it doesn't pertain to me. I dumped the main list because of volume and thank goodness I never made joining it a requirement for joining Howard County.

No offence, Toni, because I think you've done a marvelous job all these years. I certainally could not have put up with everything you have. I'm not that benevolent and patient a person.

Like Julie, I am a laid-back person when it comes to doing something I started for fun. I'm happy to organize an event or two, meet people and all, but I absolutely do not have the time or the patience for all this paperwork. Thank goodness for the other two marvelous ladies who have stepped in as co-chairs for Howard County becuase this is the primary reason I stepped down the last time. I offered to re-up because I didn't want to see my chapter sumarrily dismissed because we didn't meet some minimum requirement someone set somewhere. Just my 2cents. Angela

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Then my co-host Rockville Chapter of DCMM writes:

Ming Wong wrote: I prefer to read daily digest as well. I am on many listservs (over 20) that provide so much information and I often scan through to get what I need. Ming, co-chair Rockville Chapter

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Then:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer Perilla wrote: I also prefer the Daily Digest otherwise my inbox is full all the time and I can't keep up :) Jenn

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Then another:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
"Chrissy Rey" wrote:
I prefer to set my Yahoo Groups to web only because I get an insane amount of e-mail on a daily basis. I know I'm less likely to miss something if I log in to Yahoo Groups and read through the messages every day or so (I try to log in daily). We're all busy moms, and each of us has different methods for coping with the flood of e-mails. I don't think anybody should be penalized for using a specific method, so long as they are keeping up. Just my two cents :-)

Chrissy Rey-Drapeau DCMM Prince George's County
DCMM Book Club MD East

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Then chimes in Margaret, who I believe is Toni's partner in crime perhaps?

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Margaret McGowen" wrote:
I agree with Rubina. I tend to at least skim through everything when I get a chance. I tend to mentally prioritize messages based on the subject line. I think that in the last month with all of the sub group chairs joining up on the team list that traffic has been really high but generally the team list is pretty light on traffic except the first week of the month. I feel that once everyone is acclimated that traffic will decrease. Margaret

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--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
"Bier, Laura" wrote:
I have to say that I barely have time to read the emails, let alone contribute to the discussion. I would prefer to spend my time in activities that benefit the members, like organizing activities. I think daily digest would help. As volunteers (and mothers!), all of us find out time is precious. Laura Arlington FC Chair

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Then in response directly to Toni's email comes this:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
AutografWD@... wrote:
I am hearing a few issues that have been coming up over this discussion. I listed them here and maybe we can break them down and vote on them or come up with solutions that better represent the group's needs/desires:
1. Report design - should we come up with a different design? Shorter? More focused on bring out issues/ideas/support instead of statistics?
2. Report frequency - should it be once a month? Once a quarter?
3. E-mail settings -should there be a requirement? Should people set there own? Is "No E-mail" an acceptable setting? Do people read it on the web?
4. Moderator duties - should there be term limits for the main list moderators and the chapter moderators? One year for chapter? Two years for the main list? Or one for each? (Alexandria just start this last year and it gives the leader a way out and encourages another member to step up.)

Toni - this is not a reflection on the efforts you put into the group, because I think everyone can see the time you dedicate to this group. But I also believe that there might be an easier way to come up with solutions that benefit and strengthen the group. And maybe, as a by-product, lessens your load and the chapter leaders. I hope you view this as a healthy discussion and not personally discouraging. I view DCMMTeam as a place to work through ideas and work together on solutions to make it stronger for future members/leaders.

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And again she writes in response to Toni:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, AutografWD@... wrote:
Unless there is a specific reason that I am not aware of, I would like to take any statistics out. I am not sure if number of e-mails or number of people at an event, spurs discussion. With each chapter having different member numbers, it just isn't a valid statistic for evaluating success or failures. I would be happy to take a shot at designing one. Let me know. I wouldn't mind proposing a full report quarterly, if we still want statistics, and maybe a shorten report monthly to create discussion among the leaders.

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Mandy then writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
Mandy wrote:
Toni.. this is an interesting question.. for me.. I usually do not like doing things that I do not understand the reason for.. So for this one.. I can honestly say that when I read the summaries (or saw them) I never thought they were to help share idea's or create discussion.. I figure we do that independant of the summaries. For me.. they make no sense other than to "bean count" so to speak..

Now I am not sure if you just look at the data and then discard, or you keep some kind of stat's.But if they are mainly for you, I would prefer to send them to you and not the whole group so as not to clutter what they have to read. But if your intent really is to create discussion or talk about things. for me.. these summaries do not do that.. but maybe I am just missing something. This seems like something that I could see was very useful in the beginning or for a group asking for help with membership.. but for 2 of my group we have minimal issues and discussion and that works for those groups..
Mandy

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Then comes this one:(by the way, I appreciate you taking the time to read this far!!!)

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
Carol Amie wrote:
Short answer: I basically agree with Margaret and Rubina with regard to mail.
Long answer for those who are interested: the list has been crazy with new messages the last few weeks but that was atypical in my limited experience and I chalked it up to all the added subgroup welcome posts and then the monthly summaries. I love reading through the summaries~I like to know how all the groups compare, who has great ideas, who might be open for suggestions and who is just working their rearend off to keep the boat afloat. It helps me get to "know" the other chapters and I enjoy that.

The mail influx is likely to really settle down as the month goes on and the new members settle in so if you can just keep your head above water with a liberal "delete" button I think it will get better soon. As for individual v.s. digest, I'd say either should probably be an option. I had to put the main list on digest mode in order to avoid being overwhelmed by the messages but I still read it primarily online only. I don't think it's too much to have the messages delivered to your inbox but if it's overwhelming your personal management system a digest option would work much better for you. At any rate, Thanks Toni, for keeping all these balls in the air at once...I'm still trying to figure out how you do it!
Carol Amie Co-Chair Loudoun County Chapter DCMM

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Then Jennifer Zaranis who is Toni's Co-Moderator on the main lists (and maybe more?):

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer Zaranis wrote:

Mandy and others, I can say that the monthly summaries are used to share what are happening within our chapters and subgroups. They are not intended for anyone to be judgemental on the performance of a group. Our main focus and purpose as a team is to support on another and give input and assistance. In addition to the discussion about daily digest or individual messaging. The main reason why individual messaging is preferred, if we needed to contact you immediately instead of having to pull your personal email info. and cc: the team.

It's much easier to post it on the team site and know we are going to get your immediate attention. I personally understand in many cases it doesn't make much difference if it's daily digest or individual because of family obligations, etc. But when it comes down to being a team player, it means more if it's an individual and a daily digest just sends a sign of " O, I'll get to it later" I know as a moderator and as a team player that each and everyone of you are working hard in keeping this group going and I personally can't thank you all enough. I hope what I said makes sense and feel free to email me if you have any questions. Thanks, Jennifer

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Then Laura writes again:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
"Bier, Laura" wrote:
For me, I have to make up half of the statistics as we don't track attendance. I just use averages for the events I attended (and guess for the others), rather than an accurate figure. I think if that was removed it would be easier. Total number of emails and total number of members are on the yahoo page so they are easy to provide.

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Finally I've logged back on, and I've just started reading all of the above that's come through in the middle of the night, and early AM. I've NOT received anything directly from Toni either privately or not... so I send this in:

From: Julie
To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 2:13:45 PM
Subject: Re: [DCMMTeam] Monthly Summary & Setting Discussion (long)

Jennifer/Toni, I'm sorry, but for me, that's just silly.... I'm not at my computer ALL DAY LONG, and if you really need to contact me, you should have my telephone number in a database somewhere. Not that I often answer that either. Some days I don't even log onto the computer, in fact some weeks I don't log onto the computer.

BUT... more to the point, why would we need to be contacted in an emergency? What can we do - that Toni as the owner of all groups couldn't do herself? I mean she, I would assume, has the access to ban, or delete or do anything that you might be trying to get a hold of me for. Emergency to me means my husband has been in a car accident, or my child has been kidnapped while out with the babysitter. Nothing about this group in my mind, could be considered life or death, that I need to deal with immediately. Certainly not a "team" email.

I'm sure Mandy was not meaning that she's interested in being judgmental of any group, (and I'm not entirely sure this is what you were saying below, but it's how I read it) and as for being a "team player" I think anyone who signed up to do this, is going way and above the call of duty. Just my opinions,
Julie.
----- Original Message ----
From: Jennifer Zaranis To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 1:24:40 PM Subject: [DCMMTeam] Monthly Summary & Setting Discussion (long)
Mandy and others,I can say that the monthly summaries are not intended for anyone to be judgemental on the performance of a group. The main reason why individual messaging is preferred, if we needed to contact you immediately instead of having to pull your personal email info. and cc: the team. It's much easier to post it on the team site and know we are going to get your immediate attention. But when it comes down to being a team player, it means more if it's an individual and a daily digest just sends a sign of " O, I'll get to it later" Thanks,Jennifer

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Then I am still writing away, not knowing that *MY* messages are NOT being sent thru to the group, although, I'm still allowed to receive & read them.....

From: Julie To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 1:56:38 PM
Subject: Re: [DCMMTeam] Email Setting Discussion

Autograf - I really want to meet you! You say everything I'm thinking, but can't eloquently get out, for one reason or the other!! Perhaps you are also a lot more diplomatic than I am - my husband constantly tells me that I frequently speak, before saying things the "PC" way... :-(

I think I'm just "blunt". I am shocked that so many other people were thinking the same thing, but had never spoken up! Yikes!

I think that for anything to be successful - business, hobby, relationship, we should all be able to say what we think, and feel ok about tossing out ideas. I think the points that you laid out should be discussed and reviewed on a regular basis. I think for a mommy one year might be too long - she may get pregnant inside that time & totally have no time for other duties! Perhaps 6 months, which automatically renews, unless you want to step down. I understand basically why Toni wants the summaries - she can quickly get a handle on a group that's possibly "sinking" the ship, or can find out what one group is doing if it's going gangbusters.

I however, feel like I’m acting as “big brother”, and that’s not something I’m interested in doing, and I’d certainly never ban someone for not posting. Life happens.

I think having perhaps regular meeting times (online) for team members (perhaps once a month that is mandatory to a degree - if you miss 3 in a row, you're done..). and during these online chats - which can happen in real time, allow for each person to have their say, or throw out other suggestions for bettering the group in general, or their group in particular.

During these chats, Toni and other top mods (state moderators) take notes, and then at a meeting that they hold by themselves, discuss what they thought was good, bad, or indifferent. For me, having the same questions to answer each month seems retarded.

The basic questions should be:
1. Have we grown the chapter any this month?
2. Did we facilitate any play groups, meetings, mno's
3. Did you BAN anyone this month and why? (This should only be done if this person is a danger to herself, or others, or she's not really a she)!

At the online meetings the team members could discuss in real time the best ways that they've found to get people talking, connecting, and having fun. Obviously if you have a chapter that's doing well, new chapters want to know everything about it.

I still think that there are *too* many sub groups and chapters. Why can't there just be a "Montgomery Co" chapter instead of 10 sub groups for each individual neighborhood? I can drive in less than 10 minutes from one to another.

Has anyone thought instead of sub groups for things like hobbies, depression etc., how about going to a php driven forum? So, you'd keep your main yahoo group, and possibly your local chapter groups (of which I just personally think SHOULD be combined down) and drive everyone regardless of their interests -- to the bulletin board. On the bulletin board, they can start topics for new moms, breastfeeding, sleeping issues etc., Your bulletin board could be similar to: http://mommysavers.com/boards/index.php -- but localized for Washington DC.

People log on when they want, and they're not overwhelmed by email after email! I know that myself as a previous web designer could offer some help on this, and there's a bunch of mommies on the group that I've met who are also developers, designers, photo editors.

Toni, I also noticed last night that you have some files related to merchandising on the TEAM group - but I have never heard anything about it (and I'm sure I've never seen anything posted to the main group or my chapter group).

If you are interested in branding your own items, and selling them, I have some expertise in that area too and can set up online shopping carts, help you with manufacturers, and business issues like taxes (which if you're selling online, and your online site is technically based on a server in HI, then perhaps you don't really need to collect sales tax on an item that is "technically" not being sold out of DC)...

I know the "shows" to go to to find your manufacturers, and maybe distributors who sell it for you directly. These are all my areas of expertise - but no one would know that because it's not asked on your team form. ??? D'OH!

There are probably a lot more talented moms who do other things that might make for great events - huge events. I know that we could have a booth at the Cherry Blossom festival coming up soon, where we could grab and "convert" other mommies who are walking by - and it's not going to cost very much money to run up brochures, or cards. We could also actually get together rent a space, and for your marketplace group, we could bring all our high end gear and sell it ourselves together - by taking out a few ads in the gazettes, or posting it online to other groups etc., The main group would make money either by taking a small percentage of all sales, or charging a door fee to other parents to shop. There should be a "Valentine's Day" (or Xmas, or New Years) dance for all the parents to get together & it's so easy to get a ballroom in a local hotel for free, by explaining how they'll benefit from our efforts in advertising their services.

Anyway, as you can see, my ADD is in full gear! So many thoughts, I can't get them all down, logically, or explain them in detail the way I'd like to! I need to quit, I could just go on and on, but a lot of people may not be interested in this period!
Julie.
----- Original Message ----From: "mailto:AutografWD@****" To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 12:19:46 PM Subject: Re: [DCMMTeam] Email Setting Discussion : 1. Report design - should we come up with a different design? Shorter? More focused on bring out issues/ideas/ support instead of statistics? 2. Report frequency - should it be once a month? Once a quarter? 3. E-mail settings -should there be a requirement? Should people set there own? Is "No E-mail" an acceptable setting? Do people read it on the web? 4. Moderator duties -

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OK, so now at this point, I'm looking for my responses, but they're not coming through - and I've figured it out.

So I write to Toni directly, and CC it to who I was originally responding to:

TO: TONI CC AUTOGRAF
On 2/6/07, Julie wrote:

Toni, I'm sending this directly to AutografWD, because even though I'm still getting team emails (how ironic is that) I'm no longer allowed to post to the "team" list.

I can't believe I've now been censored, considering I took the last hour to answer the emails & give you and the others input (or constructive critizism) that I thought *you* asked for. As I said in the previous e-mail (which also did not get put through) I in no way wanted to cause you any drama, and I'm sorry if this has caused you problems.
Julie.

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So then I receive these two emails back to back from Toni several hours later:

----- Original Message ----From: Toni Hansen
To: Julie Cc: AutografWD@aol.com; Jennifer Zaranis
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 3:13:55 PM Subject: Re: Censorship?

The issues that involve yourself and the moderators do not need to involve other team members and we would appreciate if you would leave them out. Feel free to contact me directly if you have an issue.Toni

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Julie, You can receive messages from the groups,but your messages that you send are moderated.I have been out for several hours today with my children and I am sorry I didn't stay home so you could get your messages through to the group. Toni

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SO... because I am who I am, I was pretty furious, and hammered off this email to her directly:

Toni, Am I just being really thick here? I don't know whether to laugh at you, or take you seriously.

First of all, the fact that you're NOT at your computer full time (nor should you be) is the exact point about what difference does it make if you read your mail on the web, in a digest version, or individually. The point is that you read it eventually.

I respectfully asked last night if there was any real need to have the DCMM team emails individually sent out, because I was having an issue keeping up with them. If it was going to be that way, I apologised and said that I couldn't do the job of moderator that was asked of me. I then volunteered to stick around until Rubina could get someone else at your request, or her request, I'm now no longer sure whose request it was at.

Today when I logged on, I was still getting e-mails, and my option had been turned back yet again to individual team emails!!! ?????

I read the emails with interest, and thought that YOU had asked for feedback about the chapter summaries and other issues. I thought I appropriately answered those, giving what I thought was valuable feedback, to someone who had essentially asked for it - YOU.

I obviously foolishly mistook those e-mails to be a "discussion forum" for all team members to talk about ways to help improve DCMM. Interestingly enough, even though none of those messages got posted, you also didn't bother to respond to them. What I gather from all of this, is it's either your way or the highway, and as the owner of a group, I fully understand that is within your right.

Toni, I wish I could say that I've had a "great" experience with you, and your DCMM Momdom, however, that's not been the case. My first clue should have been when you censored me and the other moms from discussing getting together for a drag queen show, or martini's out and without our kids.

However, then I was asked to be part of the "team" and help grow the neighbourhood chapters. I was thrilled to be able to schedule and attend 8 events in 3 weeks, and although I don't necessarily agree with everything you wanted to know about those events, and my chapter, I submitted it, neatly, in the form you wanted, and on time.

Don't worry about moderating me, I'll be going now to unsubscribe myself from all of YOUR DCMM groups because now not only do I not agree with some of your rules, but I'm all for my first amendment rights of free speech, which you've thought is your right, to go ahead and take away.

Your team members aren't stupid. They'll figure out what went on, and from what I've heard so far today privately, this isn't the first time that people have butted heads with you, and been sent on their way. Losing 40 moderators in the space of a few months should tell you something.
Julie.

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There so first off, I kinda miss-spoke. I wasn't "banned" - well I sorta was, but here's the gory details, for you, if you are not affiliated with DC Metro Moms and are trying to figure out all the above emails!!

I *WAS* a moderator of DCMM for Rockville. When I was asked to be one, and the job duties were explained to me, I balked and said that most of those were things I couldn't do. I basically told them I'm not interested in banning people, I'm not interested in tracking or moderating people, and that I'm just here to have fun, make new friends, help connect people, and do interesting things with my children, and that I'd happily take on the role of "social director" cause that's what I like to do. I like to "chat" and I like to go out and let my hair down ;-)

I did agree to keep track of *who* came to the activities & events, what the discussions were about & to enthuse life into the chapter. I also agreed that I'd work on their calendar, and make sure that I planned events & attended all the events I planned.

I had a co-chapter host - Ming - who would do all the tedious jobs, and she agreed that was her forte, not socializing.

Each month Toni (whoever the hell she is -- apparantly some say she's just another Moderator of the Loudon County Chapter, others say she came in and forced out the original members who started DCMM and took over) asks for a detailed summary of each group. She wants to know from her "team" members how many people joined, what's the difference between this month and last month in numbers, how many people were removed for not "posting", who was banned, what events were planned, how many people showed up, what is being discussed on the group, how many *posts* there were that month, is it up/down from the previous month, and this HAS to be turned into the TEAM group by the 7th of each month.

The main reason I am not with them anymore is because I disagreed with a rule -- as a TEAM member (unpaid, volunteer) you MUST keep your e-mail settings for group stuff to individual -- not digest, and certainly NOT read on web only.

Now, I explained when I joined that some things are not my strong suit - for instance, 300 individual e-mails will throw me for a loop because I can't handle it that way - but 10 digest versions with 30 emails inside them are no problem for me... I know very strange, but hey, that's the way my brain works and processes things. To me, there's no difference - I'm still reading it.

Toni said that if you have to be told once, you're in the "warning stage" if you are told "twice" you're basically "fired".... and I simply wrote back to the TEAM board saying that this doesn't work well for me, and could she ease up on it, or allow for a discussion of it. I said that I was overwhelmed enough just with filling out "reports" monthly, and that those are in my mind unnecessary.

Well of course I opened a can of worms. I personally can't believe after how many volunteers agreed with me, that NONE of them had ever suggested any of this in the past. I also explained that I knew how hard Toni worked, and that the things I was mentioning were just ideas/opinions, and there'd be no hard feelings etc., because the bottom line is, if I stepped down as moderator, I'd still want to post and host events on the calendar - just as a regular member mommy.

I also said that if the mail staying as individual emails was seriously going to be enforced, then I'd automatically get kicked off. So... fast forward to the next day - imagine my surprise when I logged onto the computer, and had all these emails - from a group that I'd just the night before once more changed my status to NO EMAIL (because I read it on the web) and out of all the e-mails that went through during this discussion - Toni did not once choose to respond to me either via the group, or personally.

Most of the emails were about other suggestions/ideas.. I responded to a few, and then went to play with the kids. When I next logged on, I saw all these posts that had come through -- except for mine. I knew I was now being "moderated"... so I wrote to her personally and privately asking her why ironically I'm getting all the private TEAM mail, but I'm no longer allowed to voice my opinion.

She "ironically" had been out with her child and wasn't at her computer.. imagine... my whole point in the first place was that not all of us are seeing mail as it comes through, but eventually we are reading the emails.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... a few weeks before all of this, and because Toni Hansen had censored me on the main group, and explained her having rules about not setting up playdates via the main DCMM group, I for fun started DC Hip Mommies, and in less than 3 weeks, without trying it's now got about 150 women on it.

I never understood why, if I didn't mind driving out of my neighborhood, I couldn't connect for a moms night out with moms from MD, DC and VA. I mean the chances of connecting with 30 people in your local chapter are slim, but with 1000+ moms in the metro area, then you really have a good chance of making a very good friend for life.

I'm happy to focus my time and energy on DC Hip Mommies. However, some of you might not know about the site, and may want the opportunity to join it - I'd welcome that. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dchipmommies

If you've read this far through, you now know the saga of a DCMM moderator!